A Guide to Oral Pleasure: For Her!
Trystologists – Welcome back to this week’s freaky edition of ‘Female Fellacio,’ with a side of cake! That’s right – April 14th was Cake and Cunnilingus Day, so we’re discussing oral pleasure: for her! We know we’re a little late to the party, but like an extended birthday, we’re offering some deals this week, along with invitations to a special in-store class! (Interested?!?)
First – what is this holiday, and why?! – April 14 was Cake and Cunnilingus Day, the collective ‘feminine flagship’ response to March 14th’s Steak and a Blow Job Day. These all land on the 14th of the month, since Steak and a Blow Job Day exists in response to Valentine’s Day. I’ve said it before, I’m sure you have too.
“People really like sex and oral sex.”
So I think this may just be another excuse to lick our lips mid-month 😉
“I’ll lick your lips.”
Calm down, we’re getting there!
Full disclosure, this article has been more difficult to write than writing and teaching a class about giving oral pleasure to men.
As a receiver of female fellacio, I can only speak to my personal experience – and it’s been rocky!
As a woman, have I enjoyed oral pleasure? Yes, absolutely!
Did that experience come for free?!
NO!
In my youth, I couldn’t fathom there were men in the world who loved giving oral to women! For some reason, it made me feel apologetic, insecure, exposed… looking back, it gave me pretty severe anxiety! (I’ll add here how grateful I am to men who helped me overcome this. If you’re ever reading this, I deeply thank you.)
Sometimes I felt in charge, other times I felt I was being intimately taken charge of (not sure how to explain this, or if I’m alone here), but when I really boiled things down, I was facing my greatest, personal fear.
Asking for what I wanted.
And when it comes to any of our orgasms, we as individuals have to advocate for ourselves.
Bringing us to our first important point:
Fake it ’till you make it does not apply to female fellacio, ya goose!
It actually doesn’t belong in intimacy at all!
We understand, folks. Any kind of sex is vulnerable, and nearly half of the population feels oral is more intimate than intercourse itself.
For some of us, the idea of our loved one covered in a face-full of bits can feel intimidating and exposing all by itself, never mind then mustering the courage to instruct someone how to do it?!
Well Hear Ye, Hear Ye! – Sometimes we all struggle with asking for what we want! And sure, this goes for everyone, not just we vulva-handlers. The only way to get around this, however, is by:
***asking for what you want, already!***
We know that sounded harsh, so let’s soften the blow.
These fears can stem from a lot of stuff… Traumas? Yup. Patterns of broken expectations? Mmm hmm. Religious beliefs, or prior rejections? Yes and yes.
Well, on Cake and Cunnilingus Day, (or April, as far as we’re concerning) we’re lifting the veil on this thinking! Because that part – daring to dream? To reach for the stars?! To ask for what you desire?!
You should never give up on that. And you shouldn’t fake the pleasure in your life…
Never, ever.
Since our core behaviors permeate multiple areas of our lives, let’s practice asking for what we want by starting with oral sex.
Sound good?
How many licks does it take?
Great question! So let’s dive in 😉
Note to the reader:
This article is written in two parts – instructional advice for the giver, and the receiver. 😉 So, lap it all up, and please discuss with your partners.
(If I knew ONE couple talked about their oral sex lives because of this article, I would feel over the moon!)
Hey, you’re kinda cute…
Before things heat up too much, we have to cover female arousal. Whereas those with swords tend to “lift” upon excitement, vulvas tend to soak…
Why?
(I’m so excited to write about this, everyone, because I’m learning so many things!!!)
To some of us this is becoming old news, and we couldn’t be happier…
“What’s the primary sex organ all genders share?“
The BRAIN! (<— We all shout this part collectively in my head… Fists in the air, and all.)
This is why I started the article the way I did, k? Some of us really want to enjoy oral pleasure, but can’t get out of our own minds long enough to really let go.
So what do you do?
Oral Pleasure 1’O’1 – Set the mood, everyone!
PLAN for a night of intimacy! This takes up a very precious resource, being time, but time worthwhile!
Trystology’s Matriarch, Roylin Downs, has been quoted saying, “Men are like microwaves, women are like crockpots… and a crockpot’s gotta simmer!”
She’s right! Vulva owners need a little time to simmer, so give her the kind of attention she craves! Perhaps that’s candles, a bath, or a sexy massage…
Giver notes: Be present with your partner, and let this be fun! I promise your partner loves your meaningful attention, so watch their breathing, caress their skin, and shower her with genuine compliments!
Trystology Tip: Give your lover a massage! Use just a liiiiiiiittle bit too much oil, and let the oil drip into nether-bits. JUST a little…
Receiver notes: Be present with your partner by being present with yourself!
Remember when we said plan? Take time beforehand to make sure any insecurity you may have has been assessed! Get ready, feel sexy, and do whatever YOU want to feel your best – and know that EVERY vulva is different, and yours is perfect just the way it is.
That said, if you wanna “scape”, DO SO! Some women shave, some don’t. Others wax, while others don’t. Some people rock a proud bush, some don’t.
But what makes you feel confident and sexy? Go that route, baby!
Clean is a different story. One thing all vulvas share in common is they don’t smell like perfume… none of them. So please don’t be thinking yours should, or ever will, or feel you need to perfume that area.
However, taking care of our bits is really important, and we can stay healthy and clean in many ways.
(Wanna know more? https://flo.health/menstrual-cycle/lifestyle/hygiene-and-beauty/how-to-clean-your-vagina)
Oral Pleasure 1’O’2 – It’s Getting Wet In Here!
Sexual encounters typically follow this “story-arch,” we’ll call it:
- Desire
- Arousal
- Plateau
- Orgasm
- Resolution
But according to Yvonne K. Fulbright, PhD and author of The Best Oral Sex Ever: His Guide to Going Down, women can experience any of these stages at any time throughout oral pleasure and intimacy!
So after you’ve kissed, caressed, and undressed your partner, you’ve hopefully sparked some desire and arousal. But what is actually happening here?
You might notice her breathing has increased. So feel her! Let your hands rub against her skin slowly and your fingers find your way between her thighs. Notice moaning, wetness, sensitivity, and the rest of her body as you slowly massage the entire vulva paying attention to favorite spots!
When desire strikes, signals are sent to the genitals to prepare for sex. When signals are sent to the vulva, blood flow increases in and around the Clitoris herself! The clitoris is the throne of feminine pleasure, and only about 1/4 of it is exposed right above the vaginal opening. Internal legs of the clitoris run down the inner labia, and hug the nerves surrounding the vagina. Upon arousal, the entire clitoris swells, pushing up against the Bartholin glands, moistening the vulva and vagina!
(PS, Bartholin glands?! I want to KNOW how many readers are learning about these for the first time, because I JUST LEARNED! Aaaand, vulvas are awesome…)
Giver notes: Get some supplies! Lay your partner on the bed so they’re on their backs, and put a pillow underneath their hips to boost their bits! First, this feels loving. You’re truly taking care of your partner, and making them feel prioritized. And second, this exposes all of her most sensitive areas for your feast!
Also, ask her what she likes. Lick her clitoris, and gently run your tongue along the sides of her inner labia. You can sweetly ask, “Like that?” or hum while gently sucking her clitoris. Every so often, grab her thighs and let your tongue slip into her vagina, thrusting back and forth.
Trystology Tip: Just because Bartholin glands exist, lube is always wonderful! We do sell flavored lube by Aloe Cadabra, which is an amazing water-based choice. (Optimal for toy use, which can really take oral for her to the next level!) We also sell Foria Wellness products, which are CBD infused arousal products specially designed for Vulva Owners. This stuff increases sensitivity without feeling synthetic.
Receiver notes: Stay with your breath, and remind yourself it’s okay to let go. This moment is about you, and YES you deserve it. So communicate with your partner! Feel free to moan, arch your back, pinch your nipples, bite the sheets! Maybe practice saying things like, “Yes, I love it like that. Don’t stop!” or “I love what you just did, can you do that again?”
Using our voices is empowering, ladies. And remember, what we practice in one area of our lives can permeate into other areas too!
Oral Pleasure 1’O’3 – Here She Comes!
Firstly, it’s always good to remember no intimate encounter should be about an orgasm, only. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn’t! And some women loooooooooooove oral, but prefer to finish in other ways.
However, this article is about Oral Pleasure for Her, so let’s get into the Plateau and Orgasm portions of our road map.
If you’ve been kissing her bits, following her signs, and you’ve both been communicating, chances are good she’s really heated up. This may be obvious due to color flush in the skin, hands and feet. As she enters the Plateau of her pleasure, her vulva and nipples will most likely turn their deepest color. She may even be gripping the sheets, or trembling in her inner thighs.
To take her from plateau to orgasm, things generally operate similarly to the way they do for men!
Giver notes: Get comfortable and patient. Whereas vulvas enjoy a wide variety of pleasure throughout Plateau, and orgasm requires some “In it to win it” attitude. When she’s ready to have an orgasm, you may notice some more moaning, (or screaming!). Her muscles will tense, and often times her back will arch. She may even say, “don’t stop,” so follow her response as she reaches climax, and try not to deviate from what’s working.
Trystology Tip: Ask her to tell you when she’s getting close! Gently let her know that it’s okay to guide you, and that you really want to know what makes her feel good. A great guide to giving great oral pleasure is imagine kissing her passionately… just, there instead.
Receiver notes: Communicate! Listen, my gal, no one gets what they want in life without advocating for themselves, and seeing themselves as deserving of what they want!! And NO ONE wants you to have all of the goodness life has in store for you more than your partner!! (At least, that should be the case for you both!)
**If you feel like you have to pee, don’t hold back!!**
Receiver, your body is really cool, and yes, female ejaculation is possible. Should this be the goal to oral pleasure, or any pleasure? No. But just in case you do feel a sudden urge to urinate upon orgasm, take a deep breath and let go!
Many more vulva owners can do this than realize, but they tend to hold themselves back from it because they’re… worried about peeing on their partner.
Urine and female ejaculate are not the same thing, and we encourage vulva owners to explore their self-pleasure if this sensation has come up with any regularity.
But Wait, There’s More!
Let’s discuss that last bullet, Resolution. Once your love, or you and you love climax, things don’t just end! In the same way things take a moment to heat up, or “simmer” if we’re using Roylin’s analogy, they take a moment to cool off too!
Once we have an orgasm, the heart rate starts to slow, and the body begins to re-regulate. This time is perfect for cuddling and snuggling, because all bodies are settling back down. Looking to keep your sweet connection? Hold onto it for a while!
ALSO!!
TRYSTOLOGY IS HOSTING OUR NEXT CLASS!!!
Wanna learn more? Like, what toys work best when accompanied by oral stimulation, what is female ejaculation, best positions and more?!
Well, mark your calendars!
We are thrilled to host yet another class!
We already know this class is going to fill up quick, so if you’d like a seat in class, please get your ticket now.
And to all of our readers, followers, and dedicated customers: Thank you for seeing yourself as worthy of the pleasure beneath your skin! Love the skin you were born into, and dive into the pleasure of female fellacio!
