“We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.” – Lily Tomlin
Yep. Lily Tomlin. Wise gal, we think. And to celebrate National Orgasm Day, we at Trystology are here with oodles of reasons why #OYO, owning your orgasm, can support a fuller, healthier, and happier life for you and the ones you love! Or maybe just like. Or… make those less than favorable slightly more tolerable. You decide. Read on, the satire has only just begun.
We’ve discussed it before, but for those new to the news, orgasms are great! There’s just no doubt about it. They produce a unique cocktail in the body that relieves stress, supports the immune system, and most importantly, encourages a positive self-image.
Thing is, your orgasm belongs to YOU!
No one else feels it, experiences it, or has control of it. Certainly, partners can, and hopefully do, relish in your experience, but the nerves are yours, and we encourage everyone to have the nerve to explore themselves without shame, guilt, or fear. That said, sometimes this is easier said than done. Shame, guilt, and fear are monster emotions that can take over any occasion, private time included. Perhaps you’ve been there, and maybe you haven’t, but a busy brain can be a real buzz kill. There’s more too. The brain is EVERYONE’S primary sex organ. So, what can we do when the brain goes… a little off the rails?
The easy answer? “A little self-love goes a long way!”
O-kay, but shut up already!
We get it! “A little self-love goes a long way, everyone!” We hear it, constantly. Everywhere. This sentiment has even fingered its way into commercials via advertising these days. But we’re not selling paper towels here, people. We’re talking about that sweet, sweet O. That horizonal hokie-pokie. That no-no in the uh-oh. That… okay, I’m embellishing. But has our popularized advertisement of ‘self-love’ made it a farce? A sell? Some utopian fantasy that moves consumerism forward?!
Take a deep breath. Not exactly… lets go back to basics for a sex… I mean sec.
They key to loving yourself is knowing who the hell you are. And this doesn’t happen overnight. This happens throughout life, folks, which as every adult knows, involves suffering, not perfection. It just does. If you disagree, you’re probably young, or an ostrich. Maybe a unicorn, I’m not sure. Either way, come see me. Let’s talk, because all of us, sometimes, have a real shit day. News flash, we’re allowed to! And whereas orgasms aren’t solving world peace, (and imagining some politicians in the act absolutely horrifies most), they can relieve headaches, keep us healthier and more tolerable, intimately connect us to our partners, and remind us that some shit storms really are followed by a rainbow.
Imagine this…
Tomorrow morning, you wake up to your dream vehicle just waiting outside for a test drive. Who drives it first? Your neighbor?! I sincerely hope not. I hope you drive it, and enjoy every curve of the road, beam of the sun, and wind in your hair. Well, our bodies are just vehicle, and one more miraculous than any piece of steel out there. They’re exquisite. And before giving anyone a ride in or on these skin suits, we should know how they handle, what they like, what they need, and how to keep them humming along these backroads of life.
Here’s a hint.
If life is the road, communication is the fuel. But you can’t communicate what you don’t know to be true, especially when it comes to your body and bits.
For vagina owners, where’s your g-spot, and how do you like it stimulated. Not sure? Take that baby for a spin! It may be a longer road-trip than you expect, so pack up the lube and take it away. Some navigational advice for those who don’t have theirs mapped out, which is completely normal for women of any age, it’s one to three inches in the vagina, up towards the belly button. Steady come here motions work well here, so hydrate for the ride. Clitoral stimulation can help here too, but how does yours like to be touched? Here are some of our favorite exploratory tools to pack for the journey.
Deep in penis possession? How does your body achieve its strongest climax? If you’re not sure, have you found your prostate? If it’s flat out not your thing, that’s fine, but inviting Mr. Prostate out to play could really change your game. Just like the g-spot, it’s about three inches into the anus, and reaching it solo first could be just the secret you want to spill. How about your perineum. Know about it? It’s the patch of skin behind your testicles, and if anal play is a strict no, another road to prostate engagement. Rumbly vibes, pressure, or simple licking can do the trick! Below are the tools we find essential for the trunk.
In a world turned upside down, we think self-exploration, self-knowledge, and knowing your orgasm is time well spent. Truly. At the end of the day, your body is your vehicle to manifesting whatever your heart desires in this world. So today, strap on the do not disturb sign. We at Trystology won’t judge, and it can just be our little secret.
Hey there, Trystology here in celebration of National Non-Binary People’s Day!
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National what?!
Yeah! Happy National Non-Binary People’s Day! Words matter, and our use of them has vastly fluctuated throughout history. We at Trystology believe it’s time our language around sexuality follows suit! Words are powerful communication tools, and their meanings/our understandings of them shape our realities. For example, how do you define gender? How about manhood, or womanhood? Can you point to them? And what happens when your identification with gender expands past our already fragile societal norms and vocabulary?
Also, why is this blog post possibly our most important this year? I’m going to cut out of my normal writer’s voice for a moment to answer this first. People are dying, folks. All over the world millions have lost their lives to Covid-19, and even amid all of that loss and sadness we’re seeing more non-binary and trans lives lost due to ignorance than ever. It’s only July, and 2021 already accounts for more trans murders than all of 2019, and most are Black and Latina women. Even more lives are lost to suicide, and astoundingly more are ostracized from political, cultural, even medical representation.
This article is unapologetically about gender, and the language we use to describe it. Historically, we are more than ‘man’ or ‘woman’, or ‘male’ or ‘female.’ The word gender inherently surpasses society’s understanding of it, and we are here to discuss why the world, and the orgasm, extend past the binary.
To our non-binary, trans, non-gendered, genderqueer, intersex community and more, we thank you, we welcome you, and we hope this article does you proud!
Binary, and Beyond!
It’s no surprise that as a bipedal species with two outward facing eyes, feet, hands, and ears that we would settle and find comfort with mere duality. However, the idea that there are only two neatly boxed up genders is a common and dangerous misconception. Always has been. Simply put, its false. For instance, Intersex folks have always existed and have been both ostracized and exalted in high societies and religious practices.
Non-binary is a term for those who don’t identify completely with “man” or “woman”, or “male” or “female.” Many don’t find home within these terms at all. Instead, some feel blends of both, some feel something altogether different, while intersex people are born with anatomical or reproductive systems outside of the strict male or female classification. Other terms for non-binary include genderqueer, agender, trans, non-gendered, and more. While none of these terms mean the same to everyone, they all speak to an experience of gender beyond male or female.
And even though non-binary is a new term, this experience has written historical relevance pre-dating the Middle Ages!
Practicing Proper Pronouns
Okay, so we know there’s more than male or female. We know. So how can we honor the experience of our non-binary family in society, culture, and the legislature governing both? Although we have a long way to go, we can simply start with the proper use of pronouns! Many who identify outside the already false binary prefer the use of they/them/their when being referred to in society. But how do we know when to use these pronouns? And what if we make mistakes?
In every article we’ve written about sexuality, Trystology has emphasized the importance of communication. The same applies here! Non-binary people are just people, and have been in our lives forever whether we’ve known it or not. In order to know how someone identifies, all we have to do is ask! Sure, this is a new conversation, but we are living within a time of revolution, transition, and change. Our courage now to respect one another and to empathize with others’ experiences can start with, “Hi friend, which pronouns do you prefer?” We then make the effort to respectfully adhere to the work an individual has put into knowing themselves. Will we make mistakes? Undoubtedly. But asking about pronouns is a way to grant visibility to those beyond the binary, and representation matters. Language has changed before, it’s changing again, and we will survive.
Questions Everyone Should Avoid…
Whereas open discussions aid society’s understanding of the non-binary experience, some questions are flat out rude, such as, “Have you… transitioned?” or “Do you still have a penis/vagina?” C N Lester, in Trans Like Me, speaks on this in a way that cuts right to the heart of the issue. Whether each of us knows someone openly non-binary or not, chances are good we all know a mom. When women give birth, we ask kind questions. “How are you and the baby?” or simply, “Congratulations!” The process of birth is intimate and unlike any other. It can be messy, painful, and complex. A mother may choose to describe her experience of labor to family member or friend, but for a stranger to ask how severely someone’s vagina tore giving birth would certainly be unacceptable and offensive… period. The same is true of asking about anyone’s genitalia. Not. Your. Business! And it’s certainly not anyone’s obligation to answer!
My. Family.
To pop out of my writer’s voice once more, I want to thank a specific member of my family for aiding in my understanding of this issue. Out of respect for them, they will remain nameless. However, in order to write this article properly, I asked them for a personal interview. I was honored when they agreed and was astounded at how much I too had to learn. Here are some points they shared with me.
They were identified as male at birth yet began dressing in women’s clothing from the laundry hamper in secret at age four. Pediatricians now estimate that children understand their gender and gender expression by exactly this age. For the cisgender folks reading, (those who identify with the sex they were assigned at birth), I ask you to imagine the mental toll of learning to hide your true gender from family and society so young. As a teacher, this breaks my heart. I’m happy to say that in their sixties, my family member has finally found support, a community, and safety within it. Home, you might say. And to this member of my family, I love you, I am proud of you, and I thank you for everything you have taught me.
At the end of my interview with them, I asked, “What, if any, advice would you give to the younger you?”
“I would tell them to go ahead and do what makes them happy.” They went on to say, “I’ve spent my entire life being what other people wanted me to be, you know? A real man, or whatever the hell that is. I took care of my kids financially, I had the nice house, you know. I’ve been there for my family when they were sick and stuff. But now it’s my turn. I finally feel entitled to make myself happy.”
I then asked, “What have you learned by having the support of your peers?”
Their emphatic response? “Be honest. I’m a firm believer that it may be hard in the beginning, but it will get easier as you go.”
I could hear in their voice that honesty meant much more than being open to others. It meant, first and foremost, gaining the comfortability and confidence to be honest with themselves.
Now for the Goods!
So finally… can non-binary people have sex? YES!! Non-binary, trans, intersex people and more have orgasms, and the biological make-up to do so. Just as most men and women navigate their orgasms differently, the same can be true for those who identify as non-binary. Here, family, are some of our favorite toys to rock, flaunt, and enjoy your beautiful selves!
The Toy Chest
Strap ons!
For the transmasculine community who haven’t undergone phalloplasty, strap-ons offer a great way to penetrate partners, and have been around for hundreds, yes hundreds, of years. Here at Trystology we offer a wide array from natural to spacey to honor every desired size, look, and feel. We also carry underwear style harnesses fit for a natural look, and perfect for packing! Strap-ons can suit transfeminine people as well. Estrogen therapy can take a toll on someone’s ability to maintain an erection and strapping up can provide a way to have sex while avoiding dysphoria or any contact with the genitals. For those who have undergone vaginoplasty, strap-ons can still be used the same way cisgender women use them today. No matter how you top, here’s a list of our top faves.
Vibrators, specifically vibrating wands, are awesome for everyone. The reason? They offer a larger area of vibration that suits all kinds of genitalia. Wand vibrators do not require an erection and are strong enough to be used through clothing. Smaller bullet vibes can also be used for muffing, a sexual act stimulating the inguinal canals of transfeminine women.
Cock-rings, whether those that vibrate or those that don’t, can be used by both the transmasculine and transfeminine. For those undergoing estrogen therapy, the use of cock-rings at the base of the penis, or around the penis and testicles, can aid in maintaining an erection for a longer period of time. For those post-phalloplasty, vibrating cock rings can be used to heighten sensation to the back base of the penis.
For our post vaginoplasty fam, dilators are a must, and it’s recommended to use them twice daily for up to fifteen minutes. This exercise will maintain surgical depth while healing from surgery, and can ensure the success of your procedure. Here’s our a list of medical grade, top of line dilators for you.
Without these amazing authors, this article would not have been possible. If you’re looking to understand the non-binary gender, a loved one, or yourself, here are the good reads we recommend.
I encourage you, reader, to look up the definition of gender. Its origin is sexless, and simply means “membership of a word or a grammatical form in such a subclass.” In laymen’s terms, the word gender helps us define parts of the whole. We are all parts of the whole. Black, Latin, Asian, White, Indigenous, L, G, B, T, Q, I, A, 2, and PLUS! Collectively we give breath, voice, and life to the rainbow of Earth. At least within this human experience, we can consciously choose to do so. The most courageous and important journey any of us undertake is the one toward self-understanding, and to that we at Trystology encourage all genders to flaunt proudly! As we brave making mistakes navigating this expanding world and vocabulary, let’s own those mistakes together. And if you’ve got a problem with that, we kindly ask you to… go have an orgasm.
Light up the grills and grab your shorts! Summer’s here, the heat is on, and Trystology’s hot monthly topic is independence. Not just any kind of independence, mind you, but sexual independence. That’s right, we at Trystology are here to celebrate YOUR journey toward sexual independence… but how can we support something so uniquely and individually defined? Sexuality itself has infinite expressions, as does independence, and whatever pallet of hues you choose is your choice, and yours alone. What may be freeing to me might cage you, so what the hell does it mean to own your orgasm, and how can you do so confidently? When we say sexual independence, are we strictly talking about masturbation, or something bigger?
Maybe the real question is how much do you like being you?
Now, if that last question was simple for you to answer, I’m jealous and please come to the store as soon as you possibly can to spark this topic, teach a class, or just be our local guru. If you’re struggling to define what sexual independence means to you, or just how to own who you are at your core, join the club! Sexuality is a reflection of our deepest selves – the self without words or definition – and can come with a LOT of baggage in the form of shame and guilt. Luckily there’s something our sexuality is not, and that’s stagnant. Fear not, singles, I’m talking to you too. The human experience is such that we forget, like everything and everyone else around us, we are centered within a process of our own. We age, we learn, we change and grow, all while also existing within a society which only recently began to value self-care, not as an indulgence but rather as a necessity. And let’s face it, we have a long way to go. The fact is our sexuality plays a major role in overall health and wellbeing, so is it necessity, indulgence, or a little of both?
Self-Care as an Act of Rebellion!
As previously mentioned, the idea of self-care is new to the Western world. Most of us were programmed to believe that taking care of our needs last made us noble, hardworking, trustworthy, and good. Why then does breaking the rules feel so, I don’t know, great?! Side story – as a kid, I used to love when my Mom made me clean my room, but not because I actually enjoyed picking up. No, I liked the alone time. I would turn my ceiling fan on high, and throw my stuffed animals into it, only to burst into hysterical laughter when my poor, furry friends would smack the wall and thud to the floor. My mom worked from home, and needless to say, hated it. One day, she snuck up the stairs and caught me in the act of what could have only looked like “stuffie” execution. She doubled over with laughter and scared me half to death. Sure, I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to do, but I was getting to know myself, my humor, and my individuality. Amidst her laughter, she explained how she took conference calls from home, and making all that noise was disruptive to her day. Bottom line, I could only throw the stuffed toys into the fan, (good call, Mom), and I couldn’t do so if she was on the phone. My fun wasn’t over, but her boundaries needed to be respected.
The B-Word…
You might say our sexuality is much more complex than a stuffed animal hitting a wall at maximum speed, and I would agree. But owning aspects of who we are, especially our sexuality, involves a little exploration, laughter, making mistakes and learning important lessons, all which help us to establish and define these reeeeeeally important things called boundaries. Readers, we can’t stress this enough. The word boundary is not a bad word. Very similar to my mother’s response, a boundary can liberate and bring smiles to more people than just ourselves. They allow us to operate with others, not for or against them in a way that excludes ourselves. They help us to establish who we are by knowing who we are not. Truth be told, owning our boundaries can pave the road to independence of any kind, and can be loving, funny, even/especially sexy.
In order to provide liberty and justice for all of our nether-bits, it’s important to remember we all share the same major sex organ – the brain. An orgasm is like any other bodily reflex. It’s an involuntary response to pleasure governed by genitals, yes, but only with permission from the mind. That’s why boundaries are so important. They support a feeling of safety, and setting them doesn’t have to suck! A sexy conversation is always a wonderful start to any intimate encounter! What do you like? What makes you feel good, and how do you like it done? If these questions are difficult to answer, explore your own unknown! Here’s a list of our favorite books and toys for him, her, or them.
Build Better Relationships Through Consent, Communication, and Expressing Your Needs Are other people constantly intruding on your personal space, using your stuff, disrespecting you, and otherwise violating your boundaries? You can’t control what they do, but you can control how you understand and communicate your own needs and make choices about how you behave and respond to the people around you. Dive deep into self-work with this interactive guide that can be used alone or as a companion to Dr. Faith’s book Unfuck Your Boundaries. You’ll learn about how to give and get consent, how to make sure you’re stating your boundaries clearly and being understood, how to decide what is a dealbreaker, how to deal with boundaries in group settings, how to identify abuse, and how to hold yourself accountable to respecting the boundaries of others. Helpful to anyone trying to figure out healthier intimate relationships, better workplace dynamics, difficult family drama, or just how to be more confident in your own skin.
Hard is good, harder is better… for your health, your libido, your life. Such is the provocative premise behind Dr. Steven Lamm’s The Hardness Factor, a groundbreaking book that will change the way men live and love. The Hardness Factor measures male health through the quality of an erection – perhaps the greatest male motivator for better living (more so than fear of cancer, heart attack, or stroke). The Hardness Factor asks, Can men be hard and in shape for sex their entire lives? The answer is, absolutely. Here for the first time are scientific, evidence based regimens – emphasizing nutrition, supplements, and exercise – to increase erectile quality.
Girl Sex 101 is a sex-ed book like no other, offering info for ladies and lady-lovers of all genders and identities, playful and informative illustrations on each page, and over 100 distinct voices, plus a hot narrative that shows you how to put the info to good use!
The essential guide for singles and couples who want to explore polyamory in ways that are ethically and emotionally sustainable. For anyone who has ever dreamed of love, sex, and companionship beyond the limits of traditional monogamy, this groundbreaking guide navigates the infinite possibilities that open relationships can offer. Experienced ethical sluts Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy dispel myths and cover all the skills necessary to maintain a successful and responsible polyamorous lifestyle, from self-reflection and honest communication to practicing safe sex and raising a family. Individuals and their partners will learn how to discuss and honor boundaries, resolve conflicts, and to define relationships on their own terms.
The name of Bess comes from Egyptian Goddess Bastet, who is the goddess of the home, domesticity, women’s secrets, cats, fertility, and childbirth. She protected the home from evil spirits and disease, especially diseases associated with women. Bess fits comfortably in your hand and offers the most accurate stimulation, thanks to the innovative DirectPower technology. It concentrates on the sensitive points, with motor revolutions up to 10000 times per minute, to give the perfect orgasm experience
Zumio offers a 60-second quickie, mind-blowing multiple orgasms or hours of delicious exploration. What’s your pleasure? Searching for a way to achieve deep stimulation and precise control, Zumio designers took the circular fingertip motion, creating their revolutionary Spiro Tip Technology. The result is satisfying, whirling pulses with up to 8 levels that can be concentrated on smaller areas. Zumio’s oscillation penetrates with a massaging effect that reaches deeper while being gentle on surface nerve-endings. The low vibration handle also won’t irritate or numb the hand during use. Alone or with a partner, this unique clitoral stimulator can provide pleasure fast or slow, tickling her pleasure zone like nothing else.
Enjoy a unique sensation like none other. An all-new internal coil makes the SPINNER twist as you insert, sending unbelievable sensations with each stroke! The Tenga Spinner comes in 6 varieties, each with unique sensation strengths from their internal details as well as differing material firmness and tightness.
Simple and Powerful. The Man Wand Xtreme is a stimulator kit designed for men and couples. Man Wand – Xtreme has two flexible flaps on the massagers head that can hold a penis of most any size while the textured silicone optimizes the vibrations and pleasurable stimulation. The powerful vibrations of Man Wand can be enjoyed with or without an erection and users can customize their pleasure, taking full advantage of 3 powerful speeds and 5 scintillating patterns of vibration.
This limited edition luxurious gift box offers couples an opportunity to treat each other to endless nights of passionate fun. It will turn her on and turn him up, perfect for all sexy occasions. Beautifully packaged in our silver feather box design, it contains our powerful G-Spot Bullet and our world-famous Mio. It’s an unbeatable combination and a perfect gift for all summer long.
Fun on the go and no one will know. Moxie by We-Vibeª is a vibrator one wears for discreet and exciting clitoral stimulation. Small, comfortable and whisper quiet, Moxie stays in place with a magnetic clip so that a moment of pleasure wont be missed. Increase the excitement by using the app to control the fun from anywhere anytime.
Whatever you choose, knowing the choice is yours should empower and inspire the infinite zigs and zags that exist throughout this thing called life. Independence isn’t the same for all of us, neither is sexuality, but setting boundaries and knowing yourself is the way to accomplishing either on your terms, no one else’s. Here at Trystology, we wish you independence, divine sexuality, and the permission to own your life, boundaries, and as always, your orgasm! You deserve it, and your road awaits.
Gentlemen of all ages, start your engines! June is Men’s Health Month, and Trystology is here to inform, inspire and support the men in our lives to confidently own their orgasms, for health’s sake! Yep, you read it correctly. It’s true that a sexy man is a healthy man, and in order to maintain optimal health, both mentally and physically, the men we love need to unload! So whether you’re a penis owner, admirer, or both, Trystology has the high end toys and researched tips to ride toward good health in style. Giddy-up, Cowboy!
Now, let’s get right into it. The past few years haven’t been awesome for the overall image of men. The #MeToo movement was certainly necessary, and gave a voice to silenced women worldwide, but does a man’s sexuality inherently make him a threat? Absolutely not! Good men exist all over the world, and like all of us, deserve the throws of their O’s, with or without a partner. In fact, it’s science! Men who orgasm frequently significantly lower their chances of developing prostate cancer and erectile dysfunction, or ED. Do we have your attention now? Read on, dude!
We’ll start by demystifying manhood…
We know female genitalia is beautifully cloaked in complexity and mystery, but to say men are simple in comparison is misguided and misinformed. And even though the penis is naturally designed for awe inspiring pleasure, a man’s nether region is much more than just his shaft! Major players of the male reproductive system include his penis, testicles, prostate, and mind, but the possibilities for providing, even increasing pleasure to these areas is infinite, and important to a man’s overall wellbeing.
The scary fact is prostate cancer has risen to the second most common form of cancer found in the US. Nearly one out of eleven men will develop prostate cancer throughout their lives, and this rise in illness led Harvard to study men of all ages consistently for 18 years. Throughout the study, doctors monitored how often their patients were getting it on and found men who ejaculated an average of 21 times per month lowered their risk of cancer by 33%. We encourage you to read that sentence again… 33%! Erectile dysfunction is even more common, lending some validity to the old adage, “use it or lose it.” That’s nothing to turn your head and cough at, especially when more pleasure could keep you safe.
Owning Anal Play Could Keep the Doctor Away!
As previously mentioned, referring to the male make-up as simple is just false. Seminal fluid is produced in the prostate, which is located inside cisgender men between the anus and the testicles. It gently wraps around the urethra, contracts to ejaculate semen from the body upon climax, and oooh, by the way, when stimulated can increase the intensity of your man’s O by 80%! So how do we invite prostate play to the party?
There are two ways to stimulate the prostate during lovemaking – internally and externally. Option number one causes many hetero men to clench, so let’s take a collective deep breath to discuss anal. Ah yes, men all over the world receive massive pleasure from anal stimulation, no matter how they sexually identify! The anus is loaded with nerve endings sensitive to touch, tongues, and vibration. Just inside are two sphincters, followed by the rectum. It’s here, just a few inches in, where we can pleasure the prostate with a well lubed finger or toy, coupled by a gentle “come here,” motion. Here at Trystology, we recognize this action is comfortable for some while not for others, so if you’re still warming up to the idea, engaging the perineum may sound like a more enticing route. The perineum is the nerve-ending haven of skin between the anus and testicles, and when stimulated can provide extraordinary pleasure, whether tongued or tickled. Engaging the perineum adds the cherry on top to any hand job, blow job, or intimate encounter. What to use, you ask? Here’s our list of favorites:
The Njoy Pure Wand provides superior G- or P-Spot stimulation. Its design features perfect curvature and ample reach for comfort. * Length: 8 inches * Tip Diameter: 1 inch * Base Diameter: 1.5 inches * Weight: 1.5 pounds
Njoy’s most versatile design, the Fun Wand provides a plethora of sensual possibilities. Ideal alone or with a partner, the Fun Wand is great fun for combined oral and G-spot stimulation, or flip the toy (and your partner!) over and use the graduated bulbs to give them the anal treat you know they deserve… * Length: 8 inches * Tip Diameter: 1 inch * Base Diameter: 0.75 inches * Weight: 12 ounces
With rumbling vibrations that target both the prostate and the perineum, Vector leads the way to sensations that go beyond anything experienced before. Designed for comfort with an adjustable head and flexible base, Vector hits all the right spots.
In 2012 Aneros introduced the Helix Syn™. Featuring the perfect combination of responsiveness and focused stimulation paired with the comfort and elegance of silicone, the Helix Syn™ went on to become the most popular hands free male G spot massager in the world. Today we proudly present the Helix Syn™ Trident, the synthesis of our newest Trident series innovations with our most luxuriant velvet touch silicone yet. The Helix Syn™ Trident powerfully amplifies encounters with a partner and takes solo exploration to the level of multi-orgasmic ecstasy.
Each Aneros Progasm Ice is a one-of-a-kind. The production process creates a unique air bubble, making each one unlike any other. The sleek design provides an intense prostate massage backed by our patented hands-free design. Just like the original Progasm, this famous prostate stimulator has an overwhelming reputation for being the best p-spot massagers ever invented. They were scientifically developed to massage the prostate gland and the perineum, which greatly enhances sensitivity and sexual function. Ergonomically designed to improve/ induce orgasms for men. Progasm has the most girth to its design and is considered the most advanced design in the evolution of male g-spot stimulators.
With 8 settings and exclusive SenseMotion technology, HUGO is all set to become the playpartner you’ve been waiting for. USB-rechargeable and 100% waterproof, this expertly sized pleasure object deeply massages the prostate, while a secondary motor in the base stimulates the perineum for overwhelming stimulation.
1 – WAVEMOTION™ TECHNOLOGY LOKI Wave™ features a beckoning, ‘come-hither’ motion on top of its deep, satisfying vibrations. 2 – RIDE WAVES OF PLEASURE The first massager capable of surging within you for intense self-prostate stimulation. 3 – MORE POWER FOR MORE PLEASURE Two motors to accurately target the prostate and perineum for more explosive climaxes.
The Deuceª is a harness specifically designed for men. It assists in prolonging foreplay and maintaining an erection, and features a belt and adjustable leg straps. Its elastic O-ring expands and contracts to fit a variety of dildos and can also accomodate a mini vibe for additional pleasure. Included is a lightweight storage pouch with two pockets.
The Bellaª couture lingerie harness creates a sophisticated and dramatic silhouette, with delicate lace, a cascading bow, and a peek of rear cleavage. It wicks away moisture and has two internal mini-vibe pockets that securely fit toys 1.25 to 2.25 inches in diameter. Sturdy and flexible, Bellaª will not lose its shape even with frequent use.
He’s Going the Distance!
If longevity in lovemaking or maintaining an erection is your current primary focus, Trystology has tools and tips for that too! Facts are facts, and both erectile dysfunction and impotence are common, common, common, so it’s important to remember that the mind is everyone’s primary sex organ. When any of us are stressed, depressed, or just frazzled, arousal can seem impossible! Our first recommendation is always don’t give up! Some studies have shown that when men self-pleasure, they often follow a tried and true routine. Believe it or not, that same old routine can be the cause of desensitization or just plain old boredom. Switch it up!! Also, if you’re coupled up, talk to your partner. Vulnerability alone can lead to new, exciting pathways to pleasure, but we can’t get there if we don’t talk about it. Whether solo or buddied up, here are some of Trystology’s favorites to keep you long, strong, and satisfied.
The perfect combo toy! The We-Vibe Verge is a prostate massager and a vibrating ring! It’s also remote controlled and blue-tooth enabled! Waterproof to boot! Perfectly contoured to stimulate the perineum during any activity.
It’s made from our new PLUS +SILICONE™ so it has the strength and stretch you need but the warmth and softness of smooth silicone. Best of all, the super soft material makes for a comfortable fit and feel for hours of fun. BIG OX is so squishy and rubbery, it stretches to fit all shapes n’ sizes.
Super-soft, flexible and powerful, The Mio ring will keep him harder for longer, and give her intense external vibration during sex. Share stronger, longer, simultaneous orgasms with your partner using Mio. * Waterproof * Rechargeable
A comfortable and perfectly-fitting vibrating couple’s ring worn by men when making love, TOR™ 2 enhances the sensations of sex for both partners. The fully-waterproof design also features an easy-to-use control interface and 6 stimulation modes, always delivering the most thrilling sensations in bedroom play. As always with LELO, every TOR™ 2 comes in a beautiful gift box with satin storage pouch and full one-year warranty. Intensify the pleasure for both of you with the best vibrating cock ring available.
Featuring a large, ergonomically shaped contact area for grinding against, and a raised nub to add pressure and stimulation, Atom Plus’ design means both partners can experience the powerful vibrations during penetrative sex. Atom Plus is slipped over both the shaft and testacles in order to provide additional, intense perineum stimulation via its second integrated motor.
Using the finest materials yet and cutting edge technology, TENGA is proud to present the latest in Male Pleasure Technology, the Flip 0 (Zero). Featuring the most intricate internal details yet, the Flip Zero provides amazing sensations and utilizes the pioneering “Flip-Open” design that makes cleaning the product fast and easy. The seamless insertion point provides the perfect seal, preventing lubricant leakage and forming a strong vacuum made possible the one-way valve. Easier to hold and use than the standard Flip Hole, the Flip Zero’s pressure pads are soft to the touch and allow for greater stimulation. The Flip Zero is also a great way to build stamina.
Happy Ending, We Hope!
Congrats, men, you made it to the end! We know some topics may have felt scary or uncomfortable to read, but we at Trystology encourage all men, and their lovers, to take their health seriously! The benefits of regular climaxing aren’t limited to the body, as they include the mind as well. Orgasms provide a life enhancing elixir of oxytocin to manage stress, dopamine to encourage joy, prolactin for better sleep, and vasopressin to relieve pain. To the men in our lives, we love you, and want your life to match how incredible we think you are. You’re worth your pleasure, and we honor the healthy, sexy, you.
June is Pride month, and here at Trystology we support our LGBTQIA+ community in celebration of everyone’s right to sexually express themselves without fear. And although Pride events cater to those who feel their sexuality may fall outside of the mainstream, this movement’s voice has inspired a global and united front to overcome prejudice by promoting self-acceptance and discovery. Ya know, light itself is comprised of a rainbow spectrum, and Pride month serves as a reminder to us all to embrace the fullness of our spectral, sexual selves! Thankfully, Trystology has you covered with this months LGBTQIA+ tips, high end toys, and tricks to proudly celebrate all month long. Strap up, folks, and here we go!
Let’s start with the history. The very first Pride Parade was held in 1970 to commemorate the Stonewall Uprising of June 28th, 1969, where N.Y.C.’s West Village gay and lesbian community bravely rose together to protest and fight against ignorance and police brutality. The Stonewall bar catered to New York’s marginalized queer community, a community vehemently outcast right before and after the New York City World’s Fair in 1964. When police raided the Stonewall, they were met with a clear message – the LGBT community didn’t want to be cast aside anymore. It’s with this sentiment that June has become a month of acceptance and celebration of individual uniqueness– biologically, racially, politically, emotionally, and yes… sexually!
You may be seeking clarification on the difference between LGBT and LGBTQIA+, and if so, here we go. The LGBT acronym stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender, but LGBTQIA+ includes those who identify as queer, intersex, asexual and anything in-between. Queer is generally used as a broader term for those who identify as non-straight, intersex refers to those whose sex is less defined due to genetic or biological differences, while asexuals seek an intimacy with life void of sex. Other terms often used include gender-fluid, poly, and “monogomish.” The fact is, no matter your sexual preference, regular intimacy supports a healthy immune system by naturally regulating cortisol levels to manage stress. As far as Trystology’s concerned, we all deserve the sacred pleasure our bodies have in store for us! So, from boas or candles for proud LGBT parents, to top of line intimate toys for any encounter, Trystology is proud to provide merchandise unique to however intimacy is defined by you!
And now… THE LIST!
P-Spot or G-Spot?!
Let’s talk about it! Across the spectrum, men and women have intricate biology and pleasure centers. The prostate, or P-spot, is a small muscular gland that produces seminal fluid, and when stimulated anally or behind the testicles, can significantly increase the orgasms of cisgender men. The Grafenberg spot, or G-Spot, is located inside a woman’s vaginal wall toward the belly button, and as an extension of the clitoral network, swells when aroused. Stimulating these areas on partners can be exciting, ooh so fun, and beneficial to our overall health! Added bonus –Trystology carries tools and toys which double as G-Spot and P-Spot vibrators! So how and where do we begin?
Well, if prostate engagement is the goal, have you ever gotten lost only to find a back road home? To stimulate the prostate, we must journey to the magical, anal realm. The prostate is located inside the body, between the anus and testicles. For those new to the game, we recommend starting low and slow.
And if G-Spot engagement is the goal, think up and in. The G-Spot is engaged by a “come here” motion, and yes, is part of the clitoral network. Believe it or not, the clitoris is much more than the pea-sized button where the inner labia meet. The clitoris actually divides into two separate roots of nerves, usually about four inches long, coming together at the inner wall of the vagina. G-Spot engagement can cause female ejaculation for cisgender women while promoting vaginal orgasms.
This list of high end tools highlights vibration for anal or vaginal insertion to feel the buzz , inside-out!
A vibrating g-spot or prostate stimulator that moves back and forth to beckon you toward the absolute pinnacle of prostate pleasure, and thanks to its innovative WaveMotion™ technology, LOKI Wave™ is the ultimate pleasure product, curling in a beckoning, ‘come-hither’ motion for the most satisfying internal massage. The 10 satisfying vibrating settings from two perfectly placed motors for simultaneous internal and external massage make it the perfect life-changing orgasmic experience.
In a world-first design, INA Wave is inspired by the caress of a lover’s fingers. It surges with a natural “come-hither” motion to massage your G-Spot or P-Spot while powerful clitoral/perineum stimulation creates a blended climax. Lose yourself in waves of uncontrollable pleasure.
Arc is made for exploring. Its bulb has a pleasant squish, with a beaked ridge for targeted vibes on the vulva or g-spot. Warm-up externally, then dive in! Arc’s handle has the perfect length and curve to give you just the right angles, without straining the hand or wrist. Enjoy different motions, like rocking, rotating, steady nestling, and sliding in and out.
The prostate orgasm is the biggest, most intense orgasm a man can experience, and the remote-controlled HUGO is perfectly designed to offer entirely new avenues of sexual satisfaction. With 8 settings and exclusive SenseMotion technology, HUGO is all set to become the play-partner you’ve been waiting for.
With rumbling vibrations that target both the prostate and the perineum, Vector leads the way to sensations that go beyond anything experienced before. Designed for comfort with an adjustable head and flexible base, Vector hits all the right spots. Vector is also 100% waterproof, and thanks to WeVibe’s Free Connect app, can be managed from anywhere in the world.
In 2012 Aneros introduced the Helix Syn™. Featuring the perfect combination of responsiveness and focused stimulation paired with the comfort and elegance of silicone, the Helix Syn™ went on to become the most popular hands-free male G spot massager in the world. Today we proudly present the Helix Syn™ Trident, the synthesis of our newest Trident series innovations with our most luxuriant velvet touch silicone yet. The Helix Syn™ Trident powerfully amplifies encounters with a partner, and takes solo exploration to the level of multi-orgasmic ecstasy.
Mini butt plug with an easy insertion tip. Base flares out for an easy to remove or keep in place feature. Offers 15 different vibration speeds for any mood or preference!
Strap-up for Strap-ons!
Strap-ons and dildos can be the perfect addition to any couples play, and Trystology provides a spectral, high end selection! For partners seeking penetration without the penis, we have an array of comfortable harnesses, clitoris engaging bumpers, and dildos ranging from realistic to spacey. Whatever your size preference we guarantee to have what you need!
Calexotics made this harness for powerful play. The straps are easy and adjustable, and beautifully compliment this crotchless design. The ring diameter measures 2”, perfect for most dildos. This vegan leather product won’t disappoint!
The Bellaª couture lingerie harness creates a sophisticated and dramatic silhouette, with delicate lace, a cascading bow, and a peek of rear cleavage. It wicks away moisture and has two internal mini-vibe pockets that securely fit toys 1.25 to 2.25 inches in diameter. Sturdy and flexible, Bellaª will not lose its shape even with frequent use.
The Deuceª is a harness specifically designed for men. It assists in prolonging foreplay and maintaining an erection, and features a belt and adjustable leg straps. Its elastic O-ring expands and contracts to fit a variety of dildos and can also accommodate a mini vibe for additional pleasure. Included is a lightweight storage pouch with two pockets.
Shagger is Banana Pant’s newest dildo base stimulation cover! Inspired by the ocean Bumpher wants everyone to ride these waves of pleasure! Uniquely contoured, the soft succulent tips bend and flow with them, touching and titillating with every move. Cover the base with the Shagger for a ride of connection, sensation and stimulation. Without a dildo they can use as a manual stimulator alone or with a partner.
Long, smooth, and sleek. The Mistress dildo has multiple uses from vaginal to anal pleasure. Silicone dildo is made of premium silicone. Mistress vibe comes with a bullet vibrator that can be inserted in the base for extra stimulation. One of the most popular models by Vixen Creations!
Though created for lesbians and guys who are female to male trans gendered, about 80% are purchased by heterosexual couples. Everyone is enjoying these Patented pleasure toys! Men with erectile dysfunction problems are using FeelDoe as prosthetics. Gay men have discovered that FeelDoe are ideally practical for solo play. One way or another, this fabulous invention is pleasing everyone worldwide!
Wands for the Wizard in You
Wands are long known ah-mazing tools meant for all types of sexual play. Trystology carries a spectrum of wands for her, for him, and for sharing. Some of our wands, like the Wand by WeVibe, are 100% waterproof, while others plug in with multiple attachments. If you’re seeking power, check out this list of favorites!
The most advanced (and powerful) cordless massager ever with playful attachments, responsive technologies and an ergonomic design that take it way beyond basics. Seamless intensity control can take you from 0 to 100 (and anywhere in between) with one touch. The one-touch control acts like a dimmer switch, keeping you in the moment without distraction. Wand’s ergonomic design, playful attachments and the We-Connect app make it the perfect fit for couples or you can keep it all to yourself for an epic night in.
Simple and Powerful. The Man Wand Xtreme is a stimulator kit designed for men and couples. Man Wand – Xtreme has two flexible flaps on the massagers head that can hold a penis of most any size while the textured silicone optimizes the vibrations and pleasurable stimulation.
The powerful vibrations of Man Wand can be enjoyed with or without an erection and users can customize their pleasure, taking full advantage of 3 powerful speeds and 5 scintillating patterns of vibration.
The Doxy is the world’s most powerful plug-in wand massager. Offering powerful vibrations that penetrate deep into the body, it’s extraordinarily effective when used as a body massager, or for intimate intentions. While many find themselves satisfied with the lower settings, the Doxy can reach up to 9,000 RPM: it’s the perfect tool for those who want the option to play hard and fast.
Doxy is the only wand massager with a controlled pulse setting. Taking the rumbly vibrations from low, to high and back again and at variable speed settings, it really adds a whole new dimension to your experience.
Please Be a Tease!
Along with our vast collection of power tools, Trystology carries many tools meant to tease and increase sensation during love-making. These tools can increase communication with a partner or loved one while ensuring sexy communication and exploration.
The We-Vibe Touch is a powerful clitoral vibe with 8 vibration modes created from silky-soft medical grade silicone. Body-safe and hypoallergenic, the Touch is free from phthalates, latex, and BPA. It is 100 percent waterproof, making it versatile and easy to clean with soap and water, and lasts for up to 2 hours on a single charge. Use only with water-based lubricants.
Ergonomically designed to target the prostate, the NJoy Pfun Plug delivers firm, controlled massage. Whether manually controlled or activated with the user’s own muscles in ‘hands-off’ mode, the Pfun Plug prods the P-spot with precision.
Thank You!
To our followers and clients, thank you for your courage to deeply love, appreciate and own the pleasure of your unique body. Without the LGBTQIA+ community, we couldn’t understand the vastness of pleasure available to us all. Everyone deserves to explore the intimacy inherent to them, and Trystology is here to support you along you journey, wherever it may lead.
To Mom’s everywhere, Trystology would like to thank you for all that you do! You wash away our tears, our fears, and deserve the amazing care you give shined back at you this Mother’s Day. Well, shh… we have a secret. Mother’s Day isn’t the only holiday celebrated here. Since 1995, May has been dubbed Masturbation Month, and Trystology has every potion and product to help you feel praised all month long.
First, the facts.
With everything happening in our world, could orgasms possibly be that important? Well… YES! Along with promoting better sleep and mitigating pain, regular climaxing can support a healthy immune system. When our bodies achieve orgasm, dopamine and oxytocin flood the body to control our stress hormone, cortisol. Cortisol is an important bodily hormone when the amount stays just right, but when it surges with stress we can find ourselves at risk of high blood sugar and a loss of bone density. Oh May, oh my, let’s all make more time for our big O!
After much deliberation, here’s a list of this month’s Trystology favorites!:
Foria Awaken CBD Arousal Oil:
Foria’s Awaken CBD Oil is topical, and specially designed for women and people with vulvas. If you’re looking for a lubricant to enhance pleasure while increasing sensitivity, Foria’s blend of broad-spectrum CBD and organic botanicals won’t disappoint. This product is great solo or with a partner, and contains about 30 uses per bottle.
For a night in, perhaps a sensual massage, our Kiki De Montparnasse massage candles will make you melt. Light the candle to let the aroma fill the room, then enjoy the convenient spout on the side to pour this coconut and soybean blend onto the skin for a warm and sweet massage.
Trystology Tip: Not all lubes should be used with toys. Many lubricants are silicone based, and whereas they provide the motion of the ocean, they can end up damaging our toys over time. For toys, partnered or solo, we recommend Sutil’s Rich Body Glide. This lubricant is water based and has a rich texture. Win, win!
This is the discrete, gorgeous, and classy vibrator for that “O” on the go! This sleek, elegant design can be worn as a necklace; the perfect reminder to own your orgasm no matter where you are. This toy is “whisper” quiet and comes in gold, silver, and rose gold.
What can we say… this toy rocks! This revolutionary toy sports Pleasure Air Technology, providing multiple settings for multiple, rolling orgasms. The Womanizer imitates oral pleasure, and ladies… it’s awesome!
From everyone at Trystology, may this May be memorable. May we perhaps see ourselves as worth the pleasure we all deserve!
Every day I try to start the day off positive, and if possible, with a laugh. It’s a little hard to do, when you are in the same place, day in and day out, and every day is Monday, and ever day is Saturday! I don’t think any of us ever thought that at “this age” (whatever that age is) that we’d be quarantined, as a nation, in our own homes. Sure, we can go out for necessities, but other than that, well, it’s a day of bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, dining room, living room, back to kitchen, bathroom, back to living room, kitchen, dining room, bathroom then off to bed. Perhaps you have some variable if you’re working from home, but either way, it can tend to take on a bit of monotony. Since I can be a silly gal, I thought I’d share things that I’ve found in my daily life that make me smile!
Cups can make you smile?
Nude Dudes
Mona Divine
As I said in my previous blog, I love tea. Every morning I wake up and before or after I try to meditate, I like to make my tea. Here’s where I’ve been having so much fun! I enjoy trying to figure out who’s going to get which mug today! Do you have a mug collection? Maybe you know what I’m talking about. My favorite mug these days is my Trevor Wayne “Nude Dudes” mug. Who wouldn’t want to have a cup full of naked men? Okay, maybe there’s someone, but for me, it makes me smile! My mother-in-law, who is 81 and has dementia, lives with us, and while I traditionally have a Kate Spade cupcake mug for her that was given to me by my sister-in-law Denise, now and then, I shake things up and give her my Nude Dudes mug. She giggles. My husband, on the other hand, loves Divine from the John Waters Movies, so I have a Trevor Wayne Mona Divine mug for him. It’s pretty badass… And some days, I just have to use the Trevor Wayne Resting Bitch Face mug… because sometimes you just want to have something pink that’s got an attitude.
After tea, at some point during the day I either get stressed out, or try to do some yoga… that’s when I pull out my Warm Human Mindfulness sprays. These are aromatherapy blend sprays that were created to help people get centered, empowered, inspired and helps to set the intention for the afternoon.
There are 4 different scents for adults, as well as 4 scents for kids. I LOVE them. They’re even great for spraying on the mat for cleaning… I choose one of the four scents and spray it around me in a circle over my head. That way I’m enveloped in the mist of the amazing scents. So what’s so funny about these? Well, the names are certainly cute, and make me smile! One of them my husband says I’m not allowed to have yet… because I don’t do what it says! I’ve decided that during this time of self-quarantine, I’m going to try to earn the ability to use that one! LOL!
Pretty Dope Soul Spray
Yoga-To-Be Free
Spiritual Gangsta
Here are the Warm Human Mindfulness Spray names:
Peaceful AF– “I am a diving magical creature of peace, exhaling all of the stuff that freaks me out, and inhaling positivity and rainbow vibes.”
Spiritual Gangsta– “Got that Earth-loving wild spirit, warrior heart, beautiful soul that’s gonna spread love and serve the world kinda vibe.”
Pretty Dope Soul– “Humble enough to know I have a ton of flaws, but also wise enough to know that my heart is pure, and my soul is as dope as they come.”
Yoga-Ta Be Free– “I’m flexible and kind to myself every step of the way. I will rest, stretch, open my heart, breathe deeply and simply begin.”
Aren’t they fun? Can you guess which one I’m not allowed to have? LOL
Malicious Women crack me up!
Malicious Women Candle Co Bitch You Got This!
Another one of my favorite thing that’s been making me smile during this self-quarantine is my stuff from Malicious Women Candle Co. They have a few things that make me smile… first of all their candles! OMG! My mom even wanted me to light one of their candles during her surgery the other day! “Fuck It.” Infused with “Just Fuck it!” with the scent of Cedar and Bourbon. There are so many sentiments that they create that make me smile, but the one I brought home to carry me through the Quarantine is “Bitch… You Got This!” Infused with “Positive Vibes” with the scent of “Pink Champagne”. You gotta love that, right? When I’m not lighting candles to make me smile, I’m wearing my Bitches Against Bullshit long sleeve shirt. I mean a girl’s gotta have one of these, right?
The last thing that has been carrying me through this with a sense of humor is my Twisted Wares towels! We just recently got the “Please Wash Your Hands, No, Seriously!” towel, but my old standbys are “Shut Up, Liver, You’re doing Fine” which seems appropriate in some households I’ve spoken to lately and “Spooning leads to Forking”… but my favorite, before this whole adventure, was “Don’t Worry Dishes, No One is Doing me Either”… now it’s more likely “Good in bed”… LOL!
These Twisted towels have a great sense of humor and really help me make it through the day!
Well, I hope you enjoy seeing the things that make my self-quarantine so much more fun! You truly need to keep humor in your life these days! In some ways this time can be so hard and frustrating… and yet, as you can see, in some ways it’s so easy to bring a smile to your day! I hope that you can find humor in yours! If you come up with ideas, please don’t hesitate to share them, here, or on our Facebook or Instagram pages!
In this incredible time with Coronavirus, or Covid-19, it is imperative we self-quarantine and maintain social distances. That’s a fact. As an entrepreneur and business owner, someone who never stops “going”, this has been extremely challenging and stressful. I have, however, approached this with dual focus. First of all, I’m grateful for the gift of time to do so many things that I have needed to do for many weeks, months and in some cases, many years! On the other hand, I have found myself stir-crazy and stressed out! You don’t realize the precious moments you have in your life, until you lack the ability to go out and experience them. Many of these things we can’t do any more take the stress off me, like the quiet time I have with my husband at happy hour before we go home to care for his mother with dementia, who lives with us; the ability to simply go out to dinner as a family; or the massage I get from the amazing Norma… This time of self-quarantine has forced me to alter some of the ways I find joy in my life, new ways to de-stress, and has reinforced de-stressing I already do. I thought it might be helpful for me to share some of the things that have made my time at home so much more enjoyable!
Magic Hour Soulmate Tea with Chocolate, Raspberry and Roses
Magic Hour Child’s Pose tea
I have found such joy in the fact that I love tea. How fortunate I am to know the incredible tea guru, Zhena Muzyka. Having launched her new tea company just over a year ago, I signed on to be one of her early adopters. Many of you might know her from her previous company, Zhena’s Gypsy Tea, and her delicious formulation of Coconut Chai. Her new company, Magic Hour, a subscription box business, promoting “magical teas for magical people” was created for just these types of moments. Creating the Magic Hour in your home. Being that I have accrued a dozen or so apothecary jars of loose leaf teas from Magic Hour, I have found such solace in creating morning and evening, and afternoon for that matter, rituals of enjoying teas with my mother-in-law and husband. Traditionally we start the morning off with the newest tea, Soulmate, which of course fits right into my business, though on some days like today, I started off the morning with Gypsy Rose! Afternoons are more likely to find me drinking Dragon Phoenix Jasmine Green tea, while in the evenings, I relax with my Child’s Pose tea before retiring. Tea is such a simple way to enjoy pleasure, relaxation, meditation, and community. I highly recommend it to everyone!
After breakfast, or before we start our tea ritual, I take time in the morning to meditate. You don’t realize how the stress of not being able to open your boutique, after 10+ years of having it open, can weigh on you. It isn’t until I slow down and stop for a moment to meditate with my Deepak and Oprah 21 Day Free meditation, I realize how much I really needed it. The theme of this 21 Day Meditation is Hope. How much that message is needed right now!
Buck Naked Rose and Red Clay Bath Bomb
Another way I relax is by taking a hot bath! Not everyone has the luxury of being able to take a bath, but soaking in the tub is hugely important to me. I couldn’t live in a home without a bathtub! I have found that the Buck Naked Bath Bombs, and Bath Salts have just what the doctor ordered, for putting both my head and my body into a more relaxed state. Soothing the stress of not being able to live my life as I have these past 15 years here in Ventura! I know that this is a temporary setback of being unable to do what we’ve always done, but the unknown can be so stressful, so finding ways to chill out are so helpful.
Speaking of “chilling out”, one way I have always recommended to “chill out” is by having orgasms! I know, I know, most people don’t talk about this kind of stuff, but here’s the thing, orgasms give you something you can’t get almost any other way… oxytocin, endorphins and antibodies… so I recommend an orgasm-a-day… you don’t have to achieve it, just strive for it! And especially during this time of extra stress, oxytocin, endorphins and antibodies are even MORE important. The thing is, you don’t have to have them with someone. You can have them by yourself, just like a vitamins. You don’t need your partner there to take your vitamins… you can take them by yourself! Have an orgasm with or without your partner, just because you need it! And it makes you feel good! I have lots of ideas regarding how to accomplish this in another blog post, but I needed to be sure you knew that this is something that should be included in your self -quarantine! Really! It’s okay…
Jennafer Grace Flora Nocturne Koi Kimono
Speaking of getting your sexy on… Sometimes when you’re at home, and you don’t get out of your pajamas all day, you can feel like such a slug… and slugs certainly aren’t sexy… except maybe to other slugs. What I’ve found to be not only fun, but helpful for a mind shift, is to completely shift my perspective by changing into something that makes me feel sexy! I know better than most how hard it can be to feel sexy at home when your mother-in-law lives with you, and needs you for most of her care! This is not easy to get into that headspace of “sexy sauce” as a Facebook name game recently tagged me. However, I had just received a shipment of Jennafer Grace robes when we went into quarantine and one in particular caught my eye… a velvet black and silver shimmer robe with faux fur cuffs. It’s a completely retro bathrobe that I thought was over the top, until I put it on. The fabric, so soft and drapey, with shimmer and shine, along with the faux fur cuffs transports me to the 50’s and I feel like a glamour girl… the only thing I’m missing is my fluffy slingback slippers! The first night I put this on, I felt like a giddy schoolgirl. I tried on sexy things to wear under it, and couldn’t wait to pose for my husband, because DANG, I felt sexy! I just wanted to be held, and petted! I’m sure that is where the term “petting” came from. It’s an old word, but with robes like this, I think we should bring it back!
There are so many ways in which we can make our self-quarantine fun and exciting, and de-stress in the process. Whether it’s with tea and meditation, bath bombs and sexy robes, or figuring out how to include an orgasm(or two)-a-day into our lives, it’s all a matter of choice and perspective. Figuring out how to own our experience in protecting ourselves, our loved ones, and our community from this virus! In fact, I just had a girlfriend send me a list of games she’s doing to add spice to her relationship… I’ll be sure to include that in another post! How to Survive and Thrive in Self-Quarantine with a Partner! Needless to say, it’s going to include a lot of ideas about playing and choosing to have an amazing experience during this challenging time!
Hopefully you’ve enjoyed my ideas and they inspire you to try something new and fun in your home! If you have any suggestions of things you’ve tried and loved, please don’t hesitate to send them to me at roylin @ trystology . com and I’ll be sure to share them! Or comment on our post on Facebook or Instagram! Thanks for being a part of the Trystology Family, we’ll look forward to sharing more in the coming days and weeks.
It’s unfortunate we don’t have a manual for our bodies as we age, just like it’s unfortunate we don’t have a manual when we are young! What pleasure we could have experienced, if we had only known! As we age, however, we already know, for the most part, what we have enjoyed, and it is a cruel thing when our bodies don’t work the way we want them to. Some people believe that when their bodies stop working, that’s just the way it’s supposed to be, and they give up. I have found that when women have painful intercourse after menopause, they default to “this must mean that chapter of my life is over”, when that really isn’t the case. It makes sense that women default to this thinking, because who wants to endure pain and suffering doing something that is meant to be so pleasurable… except for if you’re into pain! I do, however, believe that when there’s a will, there’s a way, and have found that with care, patience and a choice to make it work, women are able to find their way back to lovemaking and pleasure.
How? You might ask… I suggest women use a combination of things, and look at this as an “exercise” program. Thinning tissue, and tightening, or atrophy, can be, in my opinion, remedied with attention to the tissue, exercise, and orgasm. I recommend women use a water-based lube that has hyaluronan in it, which protects the tissue while it is healing it. My two favorite are Pjur Med Repair and Sutil Rich, for the water based, and Uberlube for Silicone and vitamin E. It helps to lubricate the body, when the body sometimes stops lubrication, which can be frustrating. This doesn’t have to only happen when you’re in your 60’s and beyond… it can happen in your 20’s! I also recommend using a silicone based lube on your partner, or any internal toy you are using, so as to increase viscosity, and assist with the ease of lovemaking. This also helps with not having to re-apply, as many water-based lubes can need to have reapplication.
For the exercise portion, depending on the level of discomfort, a woman might need to start with the lubricant and a finger, for massaging the tissue. She can then move to a small vibrator, which for this case I recommend the Leaf Vitality, because it has a very small leaf on one side, and a fuller leaf on the other, and they vibrators can be used internally either way, so start small, with the thinner vibration inside, and the fuller side on the clitoris. You can then use the vibration to help stimulate the tissue, and assist in achieving an orgasm with clitoral stimulation as well. As each woman exercises the tissue and vagina through massage and orgasm, the body is starting to respond naturally and contract and release fluids. Through this practice, a woman should be able to regenerate the tissue, and begin to open up to begin interacting with her partner and enjoy lovemaking again.
For men, however, so much of masculinity can be wrapped up in the erection and performance during lovemaking. It can be a difficult thing when erections fail us, no matter what age we are. However, the same thing applies to men as it does to women, that many people simply shut down, thinking this chapter of our lives is over, when the male partner experiences ED, erectile disfunction. Erectile disfunction can happen for many reasons. Medications tend to be a major cause, however exercise or lack thereof, diet and many other things assist in causing this. There is no reason, however to simply shut down and act as though this chapter is over.
Many people use Viagra, however I have many customers who ask “What can we do that isn’t Viagra”… I recommend a couple of things. First of all, we have a book called The Hardness Factor, that goes into many different options one might have to help regain and maintain erections. In addition, I’ve had a number of customers in the late 60’s and 70’s who recommend vibration on the penis and testicles as a way to have an erection, and we recommend using a ring, like the Tantus Soft Ring to maintain the erection. These rings are used to restrict the blood flow, help with engorgement and assist in helping them last longer. Whether you use a simple ring like the Soft Ring, or one more advance with vibration like the Je Joue Mio or Hot Octopuss Atom or Plus, the effect is the same.
Aging does not need to stop us form having incredible, intimate sex throughout our lives. My grandmother lived to 101 and had a 96 year old partner, and they enjoyed intimacy and lovemaking throughout her life. We may have to adjust, and evolve our lovemaking style, and find new ways to enjoy pleasure, but remember, changing and adjusting is a choice. Just because we are no longer 28, doesn’t mean we don’t deserve all the pleasure and intimacy we enjoyed then! Find ways to evolve and enjoy, just the way you are right now! And if you need help or advice to figure out what’s right for you, don’t hesitate to reach out and ask. Roylin is available for a private consultation!
Roylin Downs is owner of Trystology, which has been supporting women and couples since 2009 with advice and tools to own their sexuality and enhance their relationships.
I, personally, had always been curious about sex toys (you’re surprised, right?!?). Since my mid-thirties, I had wanted to explore the concept of a vibrator and how it might work for my body, but my embarrassment of going into a store held me back. So it wasn’t for lack of interest on my part – but my overwhelming sense of embarrassment if anyone knew!
What if someone sees me?
What will they think?
I suspect that many women are like me. Inside they have passions and desires, but perhaps their lifestyles, partner situations, and workload doesn’t allow our needs and desires to be satisfied. Perhaps manual stimulation, which previously worked, doesn’t seem to be doing the trick, or maybe, we just know there’s got to be something more. The reality is that the desire to purchase a product, and the act of actually going out and purchasing one was more than you were able to physically do. You were overwhelmed by embarrassment.
If exploring using a vibrator or sex toy for your sexual health is something that is right for you, these limitations shouldn’t stop you from getting a toy. Getting a toy, or experiencing achieving an orgasm through use of a vibrator shouldn’t be something you are ashamed of. Many women have never had an orgasm, and that’s something I think is wrong. My reasoning for promoting the use of sensual products and vibrators is to insure all women experience their natural gifts, and sometimes the only way a woman can achieve an orgasm is by overriding her brain! Our brains can “teach” us that we can’t have an orgasm, because we have perhaps never experienced one to that point. By using a vibrator, a woman can, in my experience, compel the orgasm to appear. Show itself. So that women KNOW they can have the orgasm, and find ways to have them more easily. This of course is the goal. The orgasm. Not something nefarious or vulgar.
Over the course of my experience at Trystology, I have encountered women and couples who seem to have a disdain for the concept of toys. I’m not sure where the distain comes from – whether it’s a true dislike for toys or a lack of need for all things mechanical when it comes to the intimacy and orgasms I’m discussing. Or if it comes from a lack of understanding, judgement or fear of trying something that they have been told or perceive is wrong.
There have been a number of occasions where I’ve presented to a group of women, and one woman will be sitting there, scowling in the corner. It’s usually because the hostess surprised the group of women with a gal (me) who brought sex toys, and they’re embarrassed or mortified. One such occasion one participant sat just to my left, and she would say things like “this isn’t something we talk about” and “women don’t need these things, that’s ridiculous”. I was very uncomfortable, however the hostess, aware of her friend’s discomfort, asked me to continue. In the end, this woman came over to me and thanked me for the presentation, as she said it was clearly something the women wanted.
It could be a generational thing, as the gal mentioned above was into her 70’s, and I know that my grandmother’s boyfriend, Dick, who was in his early 90’s once told me “In my day, we didn’t need things like that…” Which made me smile. He was clearly a traditionalist! However, I have had plenty of customers in their 70’s and 80’s who’ve found their way to the store to get a vibrator, so it’s not that simple. Women of all generations make the decision for themselves as to whether they are open to the idea of using a vibrator, and whether it is right for them and their body.
I have nothing against manual stimulation! Manual stimulation is something that works for many women and men. Personally, I enjoy my partner’s touch, and during many lovemaking sessions don’t require the use of a vibrator. So if that works for you, I think it’s great! My vision and goal is not to say everyone needs a vibrator. My goal is to empower women to own their orgasm. However we get there, more power to ya! I love the idea of each woman having a bag of tricks and options for how they achieve their orgasm, and on any given day be able to employ the one that works best for her that day!
So what does a toy offer that manual stimulation doesn’t? Well, we know that each body is different and responds to stimulation in its own way. What I say about a toy that works for me, may not work for you, and vice versa. It’s all very personal. As a broad stroke, vibrators can offer a more immediate, stronger sensation then most manual stimulation can offer. People can tire more easily, so the body can give out, but for the most part, toys don’t. With the statistic that most women take 20-40 minutes to have an orgasm, that can be tiring to manually stimulate a person for that period of time… a toy, and many toys nowadays strive for this, can assist a woman in achieving an orgasm in 1-3 minutes! That can be a game changer. Like we say in the store, “Men are like microwaves and women like crock pots…we simmer. With a toy, you can level the playing field and turn a woman into a microwave!” That’s one of our biggest reasons to recommend the usage of a toy. evening the playing field. Not all women like to be microwaves, and that’s okay. Knowing you can be one, though, is important. My husband once told me I couldn’t do a “quickie”. With a toy, I was able to say “oh yeah, watch this…”
So, to toy or not to toy?!?! That’s your call! My goal is to provide you with options and tools you might not have thought of and look into a world that might be foreign to you and provide you with the information you need to make an informed decision as to whether adding tools and toys into your orgasm and lovemaking routine might be right, or even an option, for you!
For more insights and advice on sex, intimacy and toys, subscribe to our YouTube channel, visit the store, or have a private consultation with Roylin.
And don’t miss Roylin’s upcoming book, Trystology A Lover’s Guide.
