The Fifty Shades of Play!
Our topic today is Fifty Shades. Why? Because the second movie is coming out!
But first, I want to mention that, as you might have seen on our Trystology Facebook page, we participated in the Women’s March on Washington. With a store like Trystology, we are women centric, and so this is near and dear to my heart. I felt called to stand up for women… Because we don’t want to go backwards. Only forwards.
My favorite part was sharing it with my husband, and amazingly enough my sister and her husband connected with us amidst the hundreds of thousands of people that were there… it was very emotional to share this with her.
Wherever your stance on these subjects, know that we at Trystology support the diverse perspectives. We just want people to be free to own their bodies and own their orgasms!
Speaking of that… Have you had your Orgasm today? Against all odds, I did. What do I mean by that…? Oh, geez fitting in an orgasm, some days is much like taking vitamins and or doing 20 min of Cardio! UGH! Every day I’d prefer to linger in bed with my man and enjoy some lovin’… but these days it’s a “get stuff done” kind of day! Up and attum! No time for lingering or lovin’. So, I must squeeze it in before I go to work… and since the brain is the biggest sex organ, it’s not always willing. But it is important. For my mental, physical and emotional health… I own my orgasm.
#OYO – Own Your Orgasm!
With that in mind, I want to propose a #OYO hashtag… Own Your Orgasm! Many of my clients are shy and don’t want to post with #AnOrgasmADay, so how about just simply #OYO? I’ll be working on this over the next few weeks, but let’s start using it today and spread the love!
It’s been a few years since Fifty Shades of Grey came out. We had so much fun watching women squirm in their seats while reading the book out in public. This isn’t a commentary about the quality of the book, it’s just a phenomenon about a subject that gave women and couples permission to explore something that they were judgmental about or afraid of. I can’t tell you how many men came in and were so excited that their partner was willing to explore a vibrator, or a little bondage or spanking because of reading Fifty Shades. Whether you liked the quality of writing, or not, Fifty Shades did give a generation or more of women permission to ask questions and explore.
Here’s the thing, in BDSM relationships, there’s conversation and agreement before there’s ever the laying on of hands… Not so much in traditional relationships. I’ve always said that it’s attraction. Hand holding, kissing groping, and lovemaking. Rarely a discussion about what one wants or agreement. Fifty Shades chapter 11 reveals a contract which listed the many things a couple could agree on. It introduces a new way of approaching the conversation and the act of lovemaking. AND it gives you permission to choose with your partner, and not allow societal norms to define your relationship.
Therefore, I loved the phenomenon of Fifty Shades! Whatever you thought of the concept of the book, if you haven’t at least looked at the first book for ideas, it might be something to explore!
So, what products are we discussing today!?! Fifty Shades friendly toys! Blindfolds, cuffs, feather ticklers and spankers!
Once upon a time, it was perceived that these items were too kinky for the vanilla or traditional relationship. You’d raise an eyebrow at the thought or mention of introducing these, even a vibrator or anal plug or kegal exercisers. Now each of these items is more or less accepted in some way or another!
Top product today is the Jimmyjane After Dark Blindfold, Cuff and Kegal Balls… soft leather, and glass balls makes this an incredible kit to start or continue play with.
What happens when you blindfold someone or tie them up? We isolate a sensation, so when people told me that the fact that the book showed she had an orgasm in each session, I say that since she was blindfolded, or restrained, her sensations were amplified, which assisted in making the concept of orgasm more believable.
When we blindfold, and then touch our partner… with our hand, or with a feather tickler, or more scratch toy like a Wartenberg wheel, or scratchy beard, our pleasure sensory receptors are on steroids.
For those that aren’t intimidated by a little heartier cuff, the Kinklab Velcro cuffs, and the under the bed restraints are a fun tool. They can be situated so that you can get out of them if you place them over the top of the bed, or to the sides, which can be more restrictive. It’s such a reasonably priced kit too!
And then there are sensory items. Feather ticklers are soft and each feather style can change the sensation. Crops and floggers tend to be more stingy or sensual, depending on how they are used. I recommend a suede flogger that you can drape over and caress the skin of your partner, even a fluffy flogger that has soft fabric intertwined with the suede. And if it is used to flog the body, it can have a softer or more stingy sensation, depending on the type of leather or suede the flogger is made of.
Each person, each couple, chooses what they are comfortable with. Not all partners are comfortable with restraints, or spanking or flogging. My job is to let you know what your options are. You get to choose what’s fun for you!
Thanks for sharing this episode of Trystology Talk, Sex and the Empowered Woman. I’m your hostess Roylin Downs!
Until next time… Trystology, for Passionate Wellbeing. It’s okay to look!
For audio podcast downloads, see TrystologyTalk.com, or iTunes. A video version is also available on our YouTube channel at www.youtube.com/trystology/.